"I Would Have Figured It Out On My Own"
People assume I've always been comfortable talking to a room.
I get it. I speak for a living now. I host a podcast that's past five hundred episodes. I stand on stages and look relaxed, and if you've watched our videos, I look like a guy who was born holding a microphone.
I could not get a passing grade on my ninth-grade declaration project.
That's where this starts. A kid standing in front of an English class, forgetting the words, sitting back down with a grade I'm not going to tell you. My teacher for that class, and for drama, was Suzie Johnson. She's the one who started me speaking. She kept putting me back up there after I'd already proven I shouldn't be.
Two years, 6:55 every morning
A few years before COVID, Jana and I went through the bluest season of our life together. I'll let her tell her side of it herself. My side is that I saw what she was going through and completely missed what it was doing to me. Something that heavy happening to the person you love most lands on you too. I just wasn't any good yet at noticing my own feelings.
So when COVID hit and everybody went home and stayed there, we had a pretty good idea what a lot of people were about to walk into. We decided to go live on Facebook every morning from 6:55 to 7:10. Fifteen minutes. Coffee, connection, a positive thought, a little humor. We called it Living Lucky® Coffee.
I was a nervous wreck.
What do you talk about for fifteen minutes into a phone? We couldn't really see the chat window, so it felt like talking into a well. And I don't like how I sound recorded. Nobody does, but I really don't. Do I actually sound like that? Is that what my face does when I talk? I couldn't watch it back.
But I did it. Every morning, for just over two years. And every morning when the stream ended, Jana gave me feedback. Slow down. Look at the lens like it's somebody you like. Say it like you'd say it at the table. Two years of notes, every single day.
When people started going back to the office, a few of our regulars asked if we'd put the fifteen minutes on a podcast so they could listen on the drive. We had no idea how to do that. We said we'd figure it out.
That's how the podcast started. It's in over 140 countries now, with more than a million downloads.
And if you asked me at a party today, I'd probably tell you, "Oh, I've always been pretty comfortable on camera."
I've caught myself almost saying it. That's the part that bugs me.
The rose forgets it was a seed
There's a line I said on the episode that I keep coming back to. The rose forgets it was ever a seed.
Think about your ABCs. In kindergarten those were twenty-six strange shapes that made strange sounds, and you had to learn them one at a time, with a fat pencil and a lot of erasing. Then second grade, and somebody decides all those letters need to hold hands now. Cursive. Loops going backwards. A capital Q that looked like a 2 with ambitions.
Ask any adult about the alphabet today and you'll get a look. "Yeah, I've always known that."
No, you didn't. You had Sesame Street and a patient teacher and about a thousand worksheets. It was hard and foreign and it took years, and you don't remember any of it, because now it's simple.
I'll admit I'm saying that from my own spot, with the schools and the Sesame Street and the people who had time to sit with me. I hate that I have to point that out. It seems ridiculous. Which may just be another symptom of the same thing.
Staples and paper clips work the same way. They make perfect sense. Of course you hold papers together with a bent piece of wire. And for most of history, nobody did, until somebody thought of it. Same with the wheel. Obvious, once it's on the cart.
Everything is obvious after somebody shows you.
Both sides of the table
I'm a coach, and I'm a client. Jana and I have spent the last ten years in coaching, mentoring, and masterminds, and I sit on both sides of that table every week. Which means I get to watch this happen to my clients and then catch myself doing it too.
When I was a new coach, I'd skip the baseline. I'd give a client the benefit of the doubt, we'd get to work, and three months in, six months in, they'd be rolling. Business firing. Relationships better. Sleeping again. And then they'd tell me, sincerely, "I've always been a rock star. My business has always been like this."
That's what we want, right? A client who feels like a rock star. Jana asked me that on the episode and she's right. It is what we want.
The trouble shows up later. They don't renew, which is fine. A year goes by. Things start sliding, and they can't figure out why, because in their memory they never needed the structure in the first place. So they stop doing the things that got them out. Eventually some of them come back, which I love. But now I take a baseline, every time, because I learned.
Jana does an impression of this that I won't try to reproduce in writing. The gist is somebody saying, "I'm not really sure what Living Lucky® does. I've just been lucky this whole time."
Would they have figured it out on their own? Maybe. I've had doors open for me that I didn't know were there, and maybe I'd have found them eventually. On my own trajectory, busy being busy, it would have taken another ten years. Probably more. Coaching doesn't hand you something you couldn't have found. It saves you the ten years.
Mental ink fades
Jana put it better than I did. Mental ink fades.
When your life gets moving, you start thinking different thoughts, feeling different feelings, taking different actions. You're in a different state, and from up there it's hard to remember the low one. The stuck version of you starts to feel like somebody you read about.
And it runs the other way too. Hit a low stretch and you forget you were ever strong. You'll swear you've always been this tired, this stuck, this behind.
Your memory is a terrible witness in both directions. So don't ask it to testify. Write it down.
The method is simple, and we didn't invent it. It's used everywhere, from life wheels to financial planning. Pick the areas of your life that matter most. Score each one from 1 to 10, today, on paper. Then do it again in two weeks, and again in four.
If finances are a 4, the useful question is what might move it to a 5. Forget the 10 for now.
What gets measured can be moved.
Living Lucky® Practice
Your Baseline
Score each area from 1 to 10. 1 is as bad as it gets, 10 is exactly where you want it. Fill in today's column now, then come back in two weeks and four weeks. Print it so the numbers can't fade.
| Area | Today | 2 weeks | 4 weeks |
|---|---|---|---|
| Finances | |||
| Health | |||
| Relationships | |||
| Work or business | |||
| Peace of mind | |||
01 Where do I want to go?
What do I want to experience, and how do I want to grow? Pick the area that matters most right now.
02 What's keeping me from getting there?
Be specific. "Time" isn't an answer. "I say yes to every Tuesday meeting" is.
03 What might move my lowest number up one point?
One point. A 4 to a 5. Small enough that you'll actually do it before your next check-in.
When you set your baseline, run the morning questions from our 4-Minute Luck Activation Formula on it. Where do I want to go? What do I want to experience? How do I want to grow? And then the one that isn't on the formula but belongs right next to it: what's keeping me from getting there?
Two weeks later, run the evening questions from the 4-Minute Reflection Formula on the new numbers. What did I do well? What MIGHT I have done differently? How will I be more effective from here? How lucky am I? Activation going in, reflection coming out. That's the Living Lucky® Loop, and it works on a two-week stretch as well as it works on a single day.
I keep my own baseline in my journals. Every so often I flip back and read the old pages, and I can see where I was. The goals, sure, and also the way I was thinking, what I let myself dream about, what the world looked like from where I was standing. Those pages are the only witness I trust.
What the money taught me
Then there's the money, and I'll try to say this without sounding like a jerk.
Jana and I spend real money on personal development. Coaches, mentors, masterminds, ten years of it. And when you spend that much on getting better, you start wanting to know if it's working. You develop an ROI awareness you didn't have before.
Some people watch every nickel and never notice the drips. A little here, a little there, leaks they'd never write down. We stopped staring at every drop a while ago. We know the money flows in and out, and we spend our energy directing it instead of counting it.
Investing that heavily put a dam in our river. It's a modest river, I should add. Compared to most of the people in the masterminds we attend, it's more of a creek. But a dam with a power plant on it. You put that much in, you'd better be measuring what comes out, and the measuring is what made the growth visible.
That's the real reason I take baselines now. I wanted proof the money was turning into something.
The Living Lucky® Practice
Exercise: Tonight, score five areas of your life from 1 to 10 on paper. Date the page. Put it somewhere you'll find it in two weeks.
Reflection question: What do I now say I've "always known" that someone actually taught me?
Journal prompt: Who taught me something I've since taken full credit for, and what would I say to them if I saw them tomorrow?
Action: Pick the lowest number on your page and write one thing that might move it up a single point before your next check-in.
Questions people ask about this
Why do I forget how far I've come?
Because the new version of you thinks different thoughts and feels different feelings, and from there the old version starts to feel unreal. It runs the other way too: in a low stretch, you forget you were ever strong. Writing your starting point down is the only reliable fix.
How do I measure personal growth?
Pick the areas that matter most to you, like finances, health, relationships, work, and peace of mind. Score each one from 1 to 10 on paper. Do it again in two weeks and again in four. Compare the numbers instead of your mood.
How often should I check my baseline?
Every two to four weeks is a good rhythm. Often enough to catch a slide early, far enough apart that real change has time to show up.
Would I have figured it out on my own anyway?
Maybe. The real question is how long it would have taken. A good coach, mentor, or group doesn't hand you something you couldn't have found. They save you the years it would have taken to find it.
What if my numbers go down?
Then the method is working. A number going down is information you'd never have had otherwise. Ask what changed, and what might move it back up one point.
Why do people stop doing the things that helped them?
Because once life gets better, they forget what it was like before, and the habits start to feel unnecessary. A written baseline reminds you what those habits were holding up.
If you'd like a place to keep your baselines, our journals and books are on Amazon under Jana and Jason Shelfer, and at livinglucky.com. If you'd like help getting from a 4 to a 5 a little faster, that's what our coaching is for, and you'll find it at livinglucky.com too. And if you want more of this, subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Hear the whole conversation on the Living Lucky® Podcast with Jana and Jason Shelfer, Season 11, Episode 50: "I Would Have Figured It Out On My Own: The Dangerous Amnesia of Success."
Jana and I ran into Suzie Johnson at a reunion a little while back. More than thirty years since I'd sat in her class. She told us she always knew I'd end up speaking for a living.
I had a ninth-grade grade that said otherwise. I didn't bring it up.
We Create Our Luck®.
