You throw the ball to somebody and then stand there waiting for them to throw it back. Locked in on one guy. And the whole time there are balls coming at you from every other direction, from people you never threw anything to. That's what took me a decade. Not learning to give. Learning to look up.

You did not fail to get what you wanted out of that meeting. You walked in without deciding what you wanted, then built the standard afterward out of everything you missed. Four questions to ask before instead of after. Because if you are playing hide and seek, know who you are looking for.

Somebody who loves you has been telling you the same thing for years and it goes right through you. Then a stranger says it once and it lands like a struck bell. That is not a flaw in your marriage. It is how distance works, and once you see it you can stop being surprised by it.