It's P.E. time at our house. Puppy energy. Also physical education, because that's what the next eighteen years would be.
Jana opened the episode the way she opens most of our big decisions, which is by announcing that she's already made it. "I want a puppy. I'm obsessed. I think we should get a puppy."
I said, "Oh no."
That's not a no. It's just the sound a man makes when he does the math.
The math
Jana is 51. I'm older. Our dog, Tater, is older than both of us in dog years. She's a mini Labradoodle. She got her name because as a puppy she looked exactly like a tater tot. She's been with us almost eighteen years, and she has dementia now. The night before we recorded, she fell out of bed. She just forgot she was up there. Jana screamed, I woke up sure we were being attacked, and it turned out the floor had simply fallen out from under a very old, very confused dog.
Up to that point, our plan for this stage of life was fairly clear. When Tater's time comes, the world opens up. We travel. We get on planes whenever we want.
Then Jana said the thing that changed the conversation. If we don't get a puppy now, we're probably going to spend the rest of our lives without a dog.
Our dogs live a long time. A puppy now is a commitment that runs about as long as a mortgage. I immediately pictured us chartering private jets so the dog could come to Europe. Jana pointed out that nobody had suggested that. I pointed out that's how I do things. It's never a small decision with me. It's an eighteen-year decision, and I've already mentally bought all the little puppy things.
"It's not all or nothing," she said.
It usually is with me. That's why we needed a list.
Faith
Before the list, there was a puppy.
Jana found her online the morning we recorded and spent the rest of the day watching videos of her between everything else we were doing. Then she found out the puppy has the exact same birthday as our first dog, Sassy.
And the puppy's name is Faith.
Which was the name of Sassy's original owner.
You may remember my position on signs from the universe. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a whole article about how I don't think our dishwasher was sending us messages. I stand by it. Patterns show up in noise. Brains find them.
But I'll admit this one got me a little. Because Sassy's story is a strange one too.
How we got Sassy
In 2004 I was working at Enterprise Rent-A-Car. A woman came in to rent a car. She had a terminal illness, and where she was going, she couldn't take her dog.
The dog was Sassy, a mini cockapoo, and she ran right into the office and loved me immediately. That was not Sassy's nature at all. Sassy was a mama's girl through and through. She didn't pick men. She picked me anyway, so I took her home.
Then she met Jana, and that was that. She fell in love and almost never left Jana's lap again.
So when a puppy shows up with Sassy's birthday and her first owner's name, I don't think it's a message. I do think it's a pretty good reminder of what a dog has meant in our house for twenty-two years. Jana and I watched those videos of Faith and both teared up and started laughing at the same time. That reaction isn't a sign. It's data about what we're missing.
The pros and cons
So we did what we always tell people to do, and made the list.
| Cons | Pros |
|---|---|
| An eighteen-year commitment, minimum. | Eighteen years of a dog in the house. |
| No more getting on a plane whenever we want. | A travel companion when we drive. |
| Potty training. Accidents. | Puppy energy. The whole house goes up a notch. |
| Something will get chewed. Possibly a ski. | A great conversation starter. |
| Two a.m. belly trouble. | Already settled: Jason has the graveyard shift. |
| Tater might notice. | Tater might like the company. |
Some of the cons are the obvious ones. Potty training. Accidents. Chewing, including the possibility that something gets chewed that was very much not part of the negotiation, like a ski. I suggested we lay out the expectations on day one, maybe in writing, with a little paw print at the bottom. Jana didn't think the dog would understand. She also said I was being cavalier about the whole thing. She may be right.
The biggest con is the travel. And that one's real. Between now and January 7 we're on the road more than we're home, and bringing a puppy into that would be a lousy way to start a relationship with her. So the honest answer to "are you getting a puppy?" is: probably, yes, but not until after the first of the year. Whether it's Faith depends on whether she's still waiting for us.
Puppy energy
The pros are harder to put in a column, because the biggest one is a feeling.
When there's a puppy in the house, everybody in the house goes up a notch. Jana's sister Erin is the proof. She has kids, and her normal is set at a different level from ours. Jana says it's like a thermostat. Ours is set at 74 during the day because Jana likes it warm. Erin's is set somewhere around game time. When one of her kids gets sick at two in the morning, she's up and fully awake and ready to help before her feet hit the floor.
When something happens at our house at two in the morning, the conversation is, "Is it your turn? Please say it's your turn."
Jana and I decided a long time ago that kids weren't in our package. We love being the aunt and uncle. We get the visits and the energy and then we get to go home, and every time, one of us says, thank goodness we don't have them full time. But there's something to that energy that's hard to make on your own. We get some of it from our coaches and from friends who come to stay. A dog brings it every single day.
I think it matters beyond our living room, too. What we feel at home is what we carry out the door. The podcast gets recorded here. The books get written here. If the energy we come home to goes up, I think the energy we take out into the world goes up with it. Energy doesn't just disappear. You either bring more in or you don't.
Who gets the night shift
This part we've already settled, because we've done it for twenty-two years.
Jana is the four a.m. person. If the sun is about to come up, it's her. Anything after seven at night is mine. I've got the graveyard shift.
On the episode I said it's always my turn. Jana said I say that a lot. She's right that I say it, and I'm right that it's true, and there's a reason for it. When a dog has belly trouble at three in the morning, I can put my feet on the floor in about two seconds. For Jana, getting out of bed and into her wheelchair and back again is a workout. So the night shift is mine. It just makes sense.
That's the part I'd tell any couple thinking about this. Decide who's doing what before the dog arrives, not at three in the morning while you're both pretending to be asleep.
Running the questions on a decision this big
We run our morning questions, the 4-Minute Luck Activation Formula, on days. You can also run them on an eighteen-year decision.
What do I want to experience? A house with puppy energy in it again. The laughing we did watching those videos, on purpose, every day.
How do I want to grow? I'd like to get a little better at decisions that aren't all or nothing. Jana's working on this with me. The puppy may help.
How do I want to contribute? We can give a dog eighteen or twenty years, and we can give them to her in spectacular fashion. That's a real thing to offer someone, even if the someone ends up somewhere between Sassy's sixteen pounds and Tater's twenty-eight.
How lucky am I? Very. I'm sitting here typing this with an almost-eighteen-year-old dog who came in and sat down with us for the recording, like she knew she was part of the conversation. She is.
There's no wrong answer to the puppy question. Either way, you're choosing which commitment you want to be excited to keep.
The Living Lucky® Practice
Exercise: Pick a big decision you've been circling. Make two columns. Write the cons first, every one of them, including the ones that sound silly. Then the pros.
Reflection question: Which of these commitments would I be excited to keep, even on the hard days?
Journal prompt: What am I trying to bring into my life with this decision, and is there another way to bring it in?
Action: If you share your life with someone, decide who takes which shift before the decision happens, not after.
Questions people ask about this
Should we get a puppy if we travel a lot?
It depends on how much and how soon. A puppy needs consistency in the first months, so if you're about to be on the road a lot, wait until you're home. A good breeder or rescue will usually work with you on timing.
Is it a good idea to get a puppy when you have a senior dog?
It can be, but watch your older dog closely. A puppy can bring an older dog some energy, and it can also overwhelm one that's frail or confused. Ask your vet, and give the older dog a quiet place the puppy can't reach.
How do couples split puppy duties without fighting?
Decide before the puppy arrives. Match the shifts to who you each are. If one of you is up at four a.m. anyway and the other is a night owl, that's your schedule. Talk about it during the day, not at three in the morning.
What is puppy energy?
It's the lift a house gets when there's a puppy in it. Everybody laughs more, moves more, and pays more attention to the moment. It's a lot of work, and most people who have had a puppy will tell you it's worth it.
How do you make a big decision as a couple?
Write the pros and cons down together, including the silly ones. Then ask what each of you is really hoping to get out of it. Most decisions get easier once you both know what you're actually after.
What if a coincidence feels like a sign?
Take it as information about what you want, not as instructions. A coincidence that makes you both tear up is telling you something about what you're missing. You still get to decide what to do about it.
If you'd like help making the big decisions with the person you share your life with, that's what our coaching is for, at livinglucky.com. Our journals and books are on Amazon under Jana and Jason Shelfer, and at livinglucky.com. And subscribe to our YouTube channel. If Faith comes home, you'll meet her there.
Hear the whole conversation on the Living Lucky® Podcast with Jana and Jason Shelfer, Season 11, Episode 53: "Getting a Puppy: The Pros and Cons."
At the end of the episode, Jana said luck doesn't happen by accident. Sometimes it takes a little P.E.
I said, "Puppy energy."
She said she thought I was going to say something else.
We Create Our Luck®.
